In this article, the original Traddy Daddy, Joe Bevan, answers some questions posed to him by Kathy Clubb about creating a healthy family culture, especially focussing on Christmas traditions:
- What faith-related family traditions do you remember from your childhood and what memories of these do your own children treasure?
In my memoirs, Two Families, I describe the erosion of the truly Catholic life in my family. As the 1960’s morphed into the 1970’s, and we were growing up, family prayers had been more or less abandoned, no grace before meals, no morning and evening prayers, and certainly no family rosary.
With my own family of ten children, all these Catholic practices were restored. We were very fortunate in having an old traditional priest living with us and therefore we were blessed with daily Mass, in addition to the usual family prayers.
My own children were never forced to participate in religious activities, although all of them, without exception, followed the example of their parents. I often used to tell them that three minutes in the chapel “because you want to” was more pleasing to God than three hours in the chapel “because you have to!”
They all fondly remember sitting by the roaring fire in the winter, clutching hot chocolate, and being read to by their mother.
2. Do you have have some specific ideas for nurturing family culture during Advent and the Christmas season?
The so-called ‘build-up’ to Christmas was usually avoided as far as possible. During Advent (and Lent) we had a string of plastic parrots hanging from the dining room ceiling and the children would imagine them squawking: “it’s Advent! It’s Advent!” just in case they were prematurely tempted to over-indulge.
We used to put up the crib on the 1st Sunday of Advent, which remained there until the Feast of the Purification, thus being the first, and the very last, emblem of the festive season.
When the children came downstairs in the morning, they would sing a verse from a popular carol by the crib, substituting morning prayers. During the week before Christmas our offspring would manufacture collages of nativity scenes, using the cards from last year. The best effort would win a prize.
We allowed them to decorate their own bedrooms with streamers and the like, along with miniature Christmas trees and winking lights. There was always an annual debate about the Christmas tree in the living room: plastic versus natural. The plastic one always won through, thus saving the laborious clearing up of pine needles.
3. What are some ways to counteract the secularisation of Christmas?
Advent is a beautiful season, liturgically, with the Mass readings full of joyful expectation of the forthcoming event. Christmas itself is packed with marvellous feast days, St Stephen, St John and The Holy Innocents, to name but a few.
In order to foster the true spirit of Christmas it is essential to be firmly rooted in the celebrations of the Church, rather than booze and presents! The current and universal Godlessness forces people to overindulge to such an extent that they begin to feel ill. Tempers fray and major family rifts often occur. Not forgetting, of course, the endless vigil in front of the video screen, which also dulls the senses. TV has a unique power to destroy the happiness of Christmas.
In my new book, Traddy Daddy, I detail the results of what I term, LWG. (Life without God) And what do most people do when they emerge from this ordeal? Dry January!
Another curse visited on many people, especially the old, is loneliness. This is heart-breaking. It is important to invite one or two lonely souls to spend Christmas day with you, that is one thing my own mother insisted on, which was a great credit to her.
And for that increasing number of people who spend the festive season in bed with a bottle of Vodka, they desperately need our prayers! The notion that Christmas, for many, is a time of hardship, has come straight from the corruption of the Devil.
So where does one start? With one’s own family, of course? The high expectation, manifested by premature celebrations in Advent (sometimes even earlier) will lead to an anticlimax on December 25th. This leads to the hurried ‘return to work’ as soon as possible afterwards.
On the 2nd of January I am asked, “did you have a good Christmas?” I reply, “it still is Christmas!”
4. What advice do you have for Catholics who have not grown up in a traditional parish and who want to create a good culture in their home.
As I have stated many times in my new book, Mum and Dad MUST get down on their knees and pray as though their lives depended upon it! Rosary and other prayers with the children are essential, yes, but Mum and Dad must pray quietly and privately together, preferably first thing in the morning.
Once the children see that their parents are deadly serious about their love of God, they will happily cooperate. God runs the family and the parents are his conduits of grace. If they follow this simple advice, and avoid any ‘theories’ about child-rearing, they cannot go wrong.
5. Do you have any advice for dealing with non-practising or Novus Ordo family members at Christmas?
Novus Ordo Catholics are in their position through no fault of their own, they have been betrayed by their clergy. So, with Novus Ordo family members, and I have many such brothers and sisters, treat them with charity and kindness.
On no account should you confront them on religious matters. A man is more influenced by what he sees, rather than what he hears, we are talking not about conviction, but conversion! There is nothing so moving as the sight of a large, happy and holy family. That is essential for conversions, not religious arguments.
When it comes to children, however, one cannot expect them to hold back in company with other Novus Ordo children, and they will often challenge each other. Perhaps, when they return home, one of them might ask, “Mum, why don’t we say the rosary?” When it comes to the conversion of children, it is their innocence which allows God to act swiftly.
Conclusion
As my wife and I look back fondly on memories of bringing up our ten children, the overriding factor is how much fun it all was! Religion in our family was never a ‘chore’ and it was cheerfully practised by them all, despite being surrounded by much cynicism and dismissal by certain people. This is how grace works and God has been good to us.
As they observe our daily lives, our acquaintances have thought and often said; “You have got something which we also want.”
This is the first in our series of “ask Traddy Daddy” questions and answers, and the topic is family culture and preserving traditions. If you would like to ask Traddy Daddy a question, then send an email through our Contact page! Future themes include education, navigating pop culture and courting.
Joseph’s new book, Traddy Daddy is now available from Os Justi Press, or Amazon UK or Amazon Australia.
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